The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

by **jaques le cont** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:56 pm

I thought maybe we should move it:

What do you do once you've raped a deaf girl?

Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum

by **k mac** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:59 pm

soo bad but soo funny :lol:

by **swordie** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:00 pm

no not funny, just bad.............

by **sparkiechick** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:01 pm

What's the best thing about shagging 28yr olds?

There's 20 of them......

by **jaques le cont** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:01 pm

Iâ€™ve got ones that are so much worse I donâ€™t know if I dare post them. Weâ€™ll go with:

whats got 4 legs and goes "Woof"?
Piper Alpha

by **munkee** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:01 pm

A guy steps into an elevator and notices a nice looking girl is in it.
He leans over and says, "Can I smell your cunt?"

"Of course not!" she screams back at him.

"Oh - then it must be your feet" he replies.

by **jaques le cont** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:03 pm

I'm crying with wicked laughter here.

A few years back Paul McCartney tells his kids "I've got some bad news and some good news."

"The bad news is your mothers dead. But the good news is its sausages for tea tonight."

by **ryan3** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:03 pm

Some how less offensive from a woman .... :wink:

by **jaques le cont** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:05 pm

I think I exude offensiveness.

what's the definition of confused?

forty blind lesbians in a fish market.

by **ryan3** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:15 pm

Hot Or Not was in a different thred earlier but cant see it now.

I pissed myself when I saw this

Edit: http://meetme.hotornot.com/?7087=28807

Oh, bollocks the pic changes everytime the link is opened

by **munkee** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:16 pm

Man goes to the doctor after being raped by an elephant. The Dr says " funny, your ass is 10 inches wide but an elephants cock is only 3 inches wide!" To which the man replies " well the bastard fingered me first"

by **Snowfun** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:19 pm

if anyone is offended by jokes then how about a nice bit of arse ?

by **jaques le cont** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:21 pm

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?

A dead epileptic

by **PapaWoolacombe** » Sat Nov 26, 2005 2:12 pm

A bus load of Nuns die in an unfortunate traffic accident, on route to heaven St. Perter asks the first nun;
"have you ever had contact with a penis?",
she replies, "I once touched one with my finger."
St. Peter then directes her to dip it into the holy water and continues to ask the next nun;
"I fondled one once", she replies,
"Put your hand in the water", he says.
Suddendly they hear a commotion, a nun has pushed her way to the front of the line, St. Peter asks the nun whats wrong, She replies,
"Well if i'm going to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before sister Ann sticks her arse in it!.

by **thedeadly** » Sat Dec 03, 2005 8:50 pm

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel....
They say it's only for the Christmas period.

by **thedeadly** » Sat Dec 03, 2005 8:51 pm

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the
receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I
won't take it up the arse'!

by **goose_1989** » Sat Dec 03, 2005 10:02 pm

Whats the hardest thing about being a bodyboarder?

telling your parents you're gay.

:lol:

by **Bigjohn** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:18 am

goose_1989 wrote:Whats the hardest thing about being a bodyboarder?

telling your parents you're gay.

Whats the difference between a cow and a shortboard?

On a cow the tits are underneath!

by **hara-kiri** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:27 am

now now ladies, handbags. :roll:

by **Bigjohn** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:59 am

hara-kiri wrote:now now ladies, handbags.

Blame Goose, he started it (as usual) :lol:

by **Freddie_89** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:56 pm

nah goose is a longboarder, so that failed...... :lol:

by **dt83aw** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:05 pm

...???...but he was the one that pointed out that bodyboarders are fags!...

by **Freddie_89** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:13 pm

yer, but BJ tried to rip him for being a shortboarder, which isnt true, hes a gay longboarder

by **fredthegiant** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:14 pm

Bodyboarders are slightly different to long boarders :wink:

by **surfrett** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:19 pm

yeah deffinatley are :wink:

but on with the topic!

by **ge11y** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:27 am

just received this -
A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to
> >> >show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a
> >> >truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the
> >> >door before speeding off.
> >> >
> >> >More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and
> >> >calls the police.
> >> >
> >> >Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a
> >> >chance to ask any questions, the Londoner starts screaming
> >> >hysterically:
> >> >
> >> >My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No
> >>matter how
> >> >long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
> >> >
> >> >After the Londoner finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes
> >> >his head in disgust

:
> >> >
> >> >I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are," he
> >> >says.
> >> >
> >> >"You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice
> >> >anything else in your life."
> >> >
> >> >How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the
> >> >Londoner.
> >> >
> >> >The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was
> >> >torn off when the truck hit you."
> >> >
> >> >The Londoner looks down in absolute horror.........
> >> >
> >> >F?#KING HELL!!!!!!" he screams........ "Where's my Rolex ????..."

by DJ » Wed Dec 07, 2005 10:07 am

thats not rude....

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."