The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

Postby jaques le cont » Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:56 pm

I thought maybe we should move it:

What do you do once you've raped a deaf girl?

Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum
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Postby k mac » Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:59 pm

soo bad but soo funny :lol:
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Postby swordie » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:00 pm

no not funny, just bad.............
I excell at not giving a shit

http://lostcoast.blogspot.com/
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Postby sparkiechick » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:01 pm

What's the best thing about shagging 28yr olds?


















There's 20 of them......
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Postby jaques le cont » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:01 pm

I’ve got ones that are so much worse I don’t know if I dare post them. We’ll go with:

whats got 4 legs and goes "Woof"?
Piper Alpha
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Postby munkee » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:01 pm

A guy steps into an elevator and notices a nice looking girl is in it.
He leans over and says, "Can I smell your cunt?"

"Of course not!" she screams back at him.

"Oh - then it must be your feet" he replies.
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Postby jaques le cont » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:03 pm

I'm crying with wicked laughter here.


A few years back Paul McCartney tells his kids "I've got some bad news and some good news."

"The bad news is your mothers dead. But the good news is its sausages for tea tonight."
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Postby ryan3 » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:03 pm

Some how less offensive from a woman .... :wink:
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Postby jaques le cont » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:05 pm

I think I exude offensiveness.

what's the definition of confused?

forty blind lesbians in a fish market.
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Postby ryan3 » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:15 pm

Hot Or Not was in a different thred earlier but cant see it now.

I pissed myself when I saw this

Edit: http://meetme.hotornot.com/?7087=28807

Oh, bollocks the pic changes everytime the link is opened :x
Last edited by ryan3 on Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby munkee » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:16 pm

Man goes to the doctor after being raped by an elephant. The Dr says " funny, your ass is 10 inches wide but an elephants cock is only 3 inches wide!" To which the man replies " well the bastard fingered me first"
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Postby Snowfun » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:19 pm

if anyone is offended by jokes then how about a nice bit of arse ?

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if its not snow its water
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Postby jaques le cont » Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:21 pm

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?




A dead epileptic
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Postby PapaWoolacombe » Sat Nov 26, 2005 2:12 pm

A bus load of Nuns die in an unfortunate traffic accident, on route to heaven St. Perter asks the first nun;
"have you ever had contact with a penis?",
she replies, "I once touched one with my finger."
St. Peter then directes her to dip it into the holy water and continues to ask the next nun;
"I fondled one once", she replies,
"Put your hand in the water", he says.
Suddendly they hear a commotion, a nun has pushed her way to the front of the line, St. Peter asks the nun whats wrong, She replies,
"Well if i'm going to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before sister Ann sticks her arse in it!.
With 73% of the planet under water perhaps Earth should be re-named Ocean
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Postby thedeadly » Sat Dec 03, 2005 8:50 pm

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel....
They say it's only for the Christmas period.
Never buy a stupid dwarf - Its not big and its not clever
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Postby thedeadly » Sat Dec 03, 2005 8:51 pm

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the
receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I
won't take it up the arse'!
Never buy a stupid dwarf - Its not big and its not clever
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Postby goose_1989 » Sat Dec 03, 2005 10:02 pm

Whats the hardest thing about being a bodyboarder?

telling your parents you're gay.

:lol:
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Postby Bigjohn » Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:18 am

goose_1989 wrote:Whats the hardest thing about being a bodyboarder?

telling your parents you're gay.

:lol:
Whats the difference between a cow and a shortboard?







On a cow the tits are underneath!
......Rubber Duck this is Pig Pen, I'm gonna put the hammer down..........

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Postby hara-kiri » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:27 am

now now ladies, handbags. :roll:
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Postby Bigjohn » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:59 am

hara-kiri wrote:now now ladies, handbags. :roll:
Blame Goose, he started it (as usual) :lol:
......Rubber Duck this is Pig Pen, I'm gonna put the hammer down..........

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Postby Freddie_89 » Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:56 pm

nah goose is a longboarder, so that failed...... :lol:
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Postby dt83aw » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:05 pm

...???...but he was the one that pointed out that bodyboarders are fags!...
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Postby Freddie_89 » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:13 pm

yer, but BJ tried to rip him for being a shortboarder, which isnt true, hes a gay longboarder :P
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Postby fredthegiant » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:14 pm

Bodyboarders are slightly different to long boarders :wink:
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Postby surfrett » Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:19 pm

yeah deffinatley are :wink:

but on with the topic!
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Postby ge11y » Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:27 am

just received this -
A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to
> >> >show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a
> >> >truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the
> >> >door before speeding off.
> >> >
> >> >More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and
> >> >calls the police.
> >> >
> >> >Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a
> >> >chance to ask any questions, the Londoner starts screaming
> >> >hysterically:
> >> >
> >> >My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No
> >>matter how
> >> >long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
> >> >
> >> >After the Londoner finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes
> >> >his head in disgust:
> >> >
> >> >I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are," he
> >> >says.
> >> >
> >> >"You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice
> >> >anything else in your life."
> >> >
> >> >How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the
> >> >Londoner.
> >> >
> >> >The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was
> >> >torn off when the truck hit you."
> >> >
> >> >The Londoner looks down in absolute horror.........
> >> >
> >> >F?#KING HELL!!!!!!" he screams........ "Where's my Rolex ????..."
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Postby DJ » Wed Dec 07, 2005 10:07 am

thats not rude....

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."
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Postby Monkey_Alan » Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:19 pm

Whats Michael Jackson got in common with a PS2?
























They are both made of plastic and get turned on by children :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :oops:
When the shit goes down, you better be ready....
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Postby surfrett » Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:53 pm

tutut :lol:

corn on the cob :roll: Eugh :shock: :lol:
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Postby Snowfun » Wed Dec 07, 2005 3:27 pm

If anyone needs a Camel Toe Massage avatar

***please do not click if at work or under 18 :wink: *****

http://207.218.248.20/~funnyins/imagesmlst/p698.gif
if its not snow its water
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