The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

[Kamikaze]

Back in 1984 I used to have a game called 'Daley Thompson's Decathon' where I had to wiggle my joystick really hard.

Now in 2012 we have 'Jessica Ennis Heptathlon' - some things never change.

[Kamikaze]

The womens Gymnastics at the Olympics is actually a lot more dangerous than people think.

I was watching it earlier and nearly tore my cock off.

[Kamikaze]

Personally, I think that they should've added a comedy element to the Olympics by hosting the football, squash and fencing at Hillsborough.

[Kamikaze]

My wife's got a fanny like a kfc family mega bucket


Completely fucking destroyed by the five kids.

[Chris F]

First Vidal Sassoon, then Gore Vidal. If I sacrifice Martin Gore, does that mean Chris Martin is next.

[Kamikaze]

First sailing results are in Britain have taken gold, the USA have taken silver and Somalia have taken a middle-aged couple from Weymouth.

[Kamikaze]

I thought it would be funny to hide the toilet roll when my wife was taking a shit.

I wasn't laughing when I brushed my teeth the next morning.

[tehraab]

Scandal on the opening day of the Paralympics as some of the Team GB wheel chair basketball team test positive for WD-40

[Chris F]

My girlfriend recently found out she was adopted, she was devastated... Kept crying asking why they didn't want her. I cuddled her a bit, she then asked me to make love to her.

I did & the tears began to flow even more. I suppose shagging her & shouting: "Who's your daddy" might have been a bit insensitive.'

[ATTMFKH]

struggled to keep the coffee out of the nostrils there

[Kamikaze]

Elton Johns Baby

Elton and David had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated. When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming.
In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton said to David. "All these crying babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!


The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the dummy out of his arse!"

[Kamikaze]

So, 15 years on, and I can still remember what I was doing the moment I heard Diana was dead.

I was at the all-night panel beaters in Paris getting my Fiat Uno fixed.

[ATTMFKH]

Most dangerous insect – Hepatitis Bee

Most dangerous place to swim – Hepatitis Sea

[Kamikaze]

Most dangerous place to swim – Hepatitis Sea

worse than the Aidsriatic?

[jonysan]

ye, but if you get anything, go for a swim in the " Medicalranian",

[danny1]

: "But tell me-- did you sail across the sun? Did you make it to the milky way?"
-wife nagging when you're coming down from sweet LSD trip

[Kamikaze]

Me and my wife were having sex in the garden last night.

"I wish I had a torch," I said.

"So do I," she sniggered, "you've been licking that slug for three minutes now."

[Kamikaze]

A good girlfriend can save you about 200GB of hard disk space.

[roberdy]

A good girlfriend can save you about 200GB of hard disk space.

Yeah but she doesn't fit in my suitcase when I am travelling

[ATTMFKH]

A good girlfriend can save you about 200GB of hard disk space.

Yeah but she doesn't fit in my suitcase when I am travelling

Mine does

[Kamikaze]

A good girlfriend can save you about 200GB of hard disk space.

Yeah but she doesn't fit in my suitcase when I am travelling

Well lets hope your missus isn't checking up on what you get up to on here, or someone is going to get their portable dard drive confiscated!

[Kamikaze]

The family of Jimmy Saville are outraged at claims he sexually abused children, as he is unable to defend himself.

Just like the kids he fucked.

[Kamikaze]

Child abuse victims always show the same signs.

Difficulty maintaining relationships, anger issues, suicidal thoughts and the most obvious of all, a Jim'll Fix It badge.

[danny1]

I went to my first ever salsa class last night...looked a right cunt turning up with a big bag of Doritos.

[Kamikaze]

I was having a great time at the Nazi karaoke evening.

And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like I love Jews.

[Kamikaze]

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

[purpleandy]

[Kamikaze]

BREAKING NEWS!!!

A mob of dyslexic parents have just kicked the fuck out of Jimmy Somerville.

[Kamikaze]

js.jpg (11.63 KiB) Viewed 172 times

[tehraab]

I didn't do myself any favours in court yesterday, I was arrested for child porn charges and the judge said "how does 5-6 years sound?" I replied: "Sexy...""