The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby WP101 » Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:49 pm

^^ :lol: :lol: Class, as per..
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Feb 07, 2013 1:38 pm

Chris Huhne wishes he could 'turn back the clock'.

Which let's face it is yet another serious motoring offence.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Feb 07, 2013 9:01 pm

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Philshoz » Fri Feb 08, 2013 7:09 am

You should be on stage Kami................. :lol: :lol:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Feb 08, 2013 12:17 pm

I don't think people would pay to hear me repeat jokes off the internet unfortunately.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Philshoz » Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:14 pm

It's the way you tell 'em
Last edited by Philshoz on Fri Feb 08, 2013 7:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby waxer00 » Fri Feb 08, 2013 5:38 pm

yes kami you have great comic timing :D
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Feb 09, 2013 10:05 am

Comic timing is a doddle in a forum when you have a couple of days to come up with a response.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby WP101 » Sat Feb 09, 2013 12:09 pm

Kamikaze wrote:Comic timing is a doddle in a forum when you have a couple of days to come up with a response.


In the same way that roy has been beavering away at his response to the Prince harry thread for the last week.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Philshoz » Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:14 pm

Kamikaze wrote:Comic timing is a doddle in a forum when you have a couple of days to come up with a response.


And a captive audience........
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:21 am

Captive! you could go surfing you know!


They say that laughter is the best medicine.

Well, I have diarrhoea and it's making it worse.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:46 pm

'What do we want ?' :director:

'A cure for Tourettes' ...... 'When do we want it?'.......'Cunt'
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Feb 11, 2013 12:39 pm

ATTMFKH wrote:'What do we want ?' :director:

'A cure for Tourettes' ...... 'When do we want it?'.......'Cunt'


If I had tourettes I'd get my self one of those badges that hard of hearing people used to wear, "I'm deaf speak up" on them. I'd have a badge saying "I've got Touretes, FUCK OFF"

Actually I might just get one anyway.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Tue Feb 12, 2013 9:21 am

Some local horses have escaped from their paddock. They left a note saying 'Don't bother looking. You'll never findus' :lol: :lol:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Philshoz » Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:43 am

Breaking news that Oscar Pistorius has been arrested for murder.........................He hasn't got a leg to stand on.............. :oops:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:50 am

He's saying he doesn't remember doing it, he was legless at the time.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Back to Top » Thu Feb 14, 2013 2:18 pm

Roses are Red
Violets are Glorious
Dont try and surprise
Oscar Pistorius!!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:20 pm

Surely Oscar Pistorius isn't the first bloke to wake up legless on Valentine's Day... shoot all over his wife's face... and imagine it was someone else?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Back to Top » Fri Feb 15, 2013 8:34 am

Apparently the Police have found evidence that Oscar P is innocent......................................footprints!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Feb 15, 2013 12:22 pm

these jokes are going to run and run
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Back to Top » Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:07 pm

She didnt notice Oscar sneaking up behind her......................it was the silence of the limbs!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Back to Top » Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:08 pm

Well last night turned out to be a disaster,
booked a table for me and the missus, well it was Valentines day,




Turns out she's shit at snooker!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Feb 19, 2013 8:20 pm

I've just read that Ant Mcpartlin wants to have kids.

Perhaps he should consider a move to the BBC.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Feb 20, 2013 12:35 pm

Went into a sex shop to buy myself a wank mag, "Would you like a plain bag for that sir." the assistant asked. "No thanks, iv'e got one of them at home, that's why I need the fucking magazine." I replied.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Feb 21, 2013 7:31 am

As well as losing his legs it seems Oscar Pistorius also lost the ability to shout...

"Hey Reeva is that you in the bathroom having a shit?"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Feb 21, 2013 2:46 pm

Another olympian has been arrested following the Pistorius scandal . . . . .
Apparently Ellie Simmonds has been picked up on a small arms charge.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:27 am

Fears of an expected surge of millions of Romanians into the UK have abated as we have eaten all of their transport
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Philshoz » Sat Feb 23, 2013 7:37 am

A few daft ones...........An anagram of “hamburgers” is “Shergar Bum”.’



Tesco, everything you want from a store and a little bit mare.’



I bought a burger at Tesco’s cafe, the waitress said “would you like anything on it?”, I replied “a fiver each way “.’



I selected some burgers on the Tesco website… I then clicked on “add to cart”.’



‘You think Tesco Horse Burgers are bad, you should try their Quarter Pandas.’



‘Meat is redrum.’



‘The government have told Tesco they have to label what additives they have in their Value Beef Burgers. It reads “Contains horse but guaranteed Shergar free”.’



I think someone is trying to kill me. I woke up this morning and found a packet of Tesco burgers had defrosted in my bed.’



I hear that they are putting uniQuorn in the veggie burgers too.’



I’ve found it tough lately working on the Tesco meat counter. I feel like I’m flogging a dead horse.

....Oh Dear Phil........... :oops:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:04 pm

On hearing the news Katie Price is pregnant again Frankie Boyle has sent her a thank you letter and started planning a new tour.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Feb 27, 2013 7:24 am

Kate McCann's book about the disappearance of Madeleine is to be turned into a film.

Sources are unsure what certificate it will get , but say it is unlikely to be one for Parental Guidance.
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