The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:15 am

My iPhone and my penis have a lot in common

- both 5 inches and have both seen more than their fair share of Angry Birds
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby tehraab » Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:30 am

I strolled up to my wife earlier, gave her a peck on the cheek and said, "goodbye my little thrush, I'm off to the pub with the lads"

"Aww you're so sweet" she said, "do you call me your little thrush because of my sweet song voice?"

"No" I said, "it's cos you're an irritating cunt"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby tehraab » Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:34 pm

Why do women have smaller feet than men?... It's just one of those 'Evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. :lol:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Aug 14, 2013 12:29 pm

The two British girls arrested in Peru for smuggling cocaine are claiming they were told it was marmalade.

Police are looking for a short brown bear with a blue coat for questioning.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby harkii » Fri Aug 30, 2013 11:35 am

Can you guess what it is yet?
Yes rolf your cock!!!!!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Leven » Sun Sep 01, 2013 6:55 am

It's ironic this Rolf business isn't it? Who'd of thought his name is the same sound little boys make when he shoves his cock down their throat....


Also, heard this phrase yesterday:

"I wouldn't say I hate her......I just hope she gets fingered by Wolverine....". A mate talking about his ex.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Sep 24, 2013 11:26 am

So the Kenyan terrorists were walking around shooting anyone who couldn't name Mohammeds mother?


That's the problem with shopping malls these days, it's all about the profit.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Sep 28, 2013 6:19 pm

Some one asked me how people view lesbians in my country.

Apparently 'Usually in HD' wasn't the answer they were looking for.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Sep 28, 2013 6:20 pm

Nigella Lawson's ex-husband, Charles Saatchi, is now seeing Trinny Woodall.

That's like moving from a comfy sofa to a park bench.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 11, 2013 6:26 am

If I could take Abba out to lunch I would, my friend, for Nandos.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby defever » Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:20 pm

Poo Stance wrote:http://youtu.be/L1JYHNX8pdo


Ooooh my.... this is a real life Burgundy moment.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 18, 2013 11:24 am

I have spotted a pattern to when England win the World Cup.



It is always 900 years after the Battle of Hastings.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Ivydog » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:47 am

Not sure if this has already been said.?

"How do you know if your mother is having her period?"
" You can taste the blood on your brothers cock." :lol:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:30 pm

^^^ :lol: :lol: Sick Joke Thread right enough .........
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Ivydog » Sun Oct 20, 2013 5:58 pm

Remembered another.

A young girl is having a bath with her grandmother and asks,
"Granny what's that between you legs?" Grandmother replies,
"That's my hedgehog, when you are older you will have one of these."

The following day, the young girl is having a bath with her mother again she asks the same question .
"Mummy what's that between your legs"? The mothers replies.
"That's my hedgehog , when you are older you will have one of these." The daughter replies.
"Granny has one as well.!"
"Yes she does." Says the mother.
"Has Grannies been run over."? Asks the daughter.
" No, why.? Asks the mother.
The daughter replies " because it's guts were hanging out.!"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:44 pm

Which drug has been clinically proven to help reduce the number of instances of armed robbery?




Thalidomide.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Mon Oct 21, 2013 1:26 pm

ouch.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Mon Oct 21, 2013 2:55 pm

^^ pretty 'armless :roll:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:53 pm

What do you get if you hold a twenty pound note between your chin and your chest?



A good impression of Stephen Hawking at a strip club.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:55 pm

"I'm going to fuck you over!' means two completely different things, depending on whether you're talking face to face...or on a walkie-talkie..
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:55 pm

As my wife approached orgasm, I said:

"I can't hold it much longer."

"That's ok love, just do it" she whispered, "it'll turn me on even more."

It didn't though, I'd had sprouts for dinner and it really stunk.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:17 pm

Was in the opticians with the wife this morning when she accidentally stood on another customer's foot.

"FUCKING OWW! JESUS CHRIST!" He yelled at her. "You clumsy, fat, ugly, spotty ginger cunt."

"Well you shouldn't have been standing there, pal." I said to him.

"Oh really?" He replied, squaring up to me. "Why's that then?"


"Because you clearly don't need an optician."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:18 pm

What's the difference between a coffee shop and a brothel?

I'd never ask for a large black in a brothel.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:38 pm

Bitches be like "I want a guy with a big dick and loads of money"

No, what you need is a job and a tighter fanny.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Nov 01, 2013 12:50 pm

It's been two years since Jimmy Saville died.

R.I.P big man, you touched a lot of people.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:51 pm

The year is 2013. There are machines which can look through skin and see bones. There are machines which keep you alive when your brain and heart have stopped. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with a single drop of spit. However, when I need my prostate checking, a man sticks his finger up my arsehole and wriggles it about a bit.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:53 pm

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Nov 06, 2013 12:40 pm

How many tourette's sufferers does it twat to cunt a lightbollocks?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Nov 06, 2013 7:56 pm

Two 19 year old girls are getting slagged off in the papers today for winning a fancy dress competition dressed as the 'Twin Towers'. I wasn't offended, I went dressed as Osama Bin Laden and fucked both of them!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:34 pm

I've got an old 'Airfix' model of Jimmy Savile.

It's quite fiddly
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