The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Jan 06, 2014 12:33 pm

I can't make head nor tail of twitter, it's like everyone is speaking in code. And to be honest I can't think of a single person that I would be even remotely interested in reading their brainfarts.

Quite like the "beaten wife" version though, "Twatter"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jan 10, 2014 7:40 pm

I had some bad news yesterday. My old friend Gavin died. Choked to death on a indigestion tablet.


It's hard to believe that Gavisgone...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Jan 12, 2014 10:32 am

Have you heard about a computer virus which fills your internet history with hundreds of pornographic websites, then plants a folder somewhere on your hard drive containing over 5Gb of carefully-catalogued explicit images and videos?

If you have, please could you tell my wife that one definitely exists?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:56 pm

I go to scat orgies every weekend.

I'm a real party pooper.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:59 pm

My missus was so clever at school.

She got more A's than a scouser trying to break up a fight.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jan 14, 2014 8:10 pm

And so, the beautiful woman kissed the frog, which sent the frog's wife to hospital with mental health issues.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:28 pm

In a pub quiz a question was, "Who was the last royal to be executed."

Apparently, "Diana" wasn't the correct answer.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:29 pm

Having watched Benefits street, it's not much different to Sesame Street.

Both have a big bird, a bloke living out of a bin, and people trying to learn the alphabet.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jan 17, 2014 7:30 am

What's red and has 7 small dents in it?

Snow White's hymen.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:38 pm

David Moyes has promised fans of Manchester United that they will be in a major European competition next year...even if he has to write the song himself .
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:41 pm

Some French politician claims that Paris is better than London which is why it gets more foreign visitors. Bollocks! The reason Paris gets more visitors is because it's much easier to get to. Just ask the Germans.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 22, 2014 10:17 pm

The average man can fill a 500ml bottle with his cum in 2 weeks.

I had a very lonely Christmas.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 22, 2014 10:17 pm

I dream of becoming a selfie photographer

I can Just picture myself doing it.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Prince William » Thu Jan 23, 2014 8:30 pm

Wow, you are still doing this?

Besides Danny 1, no one is paying attention, Kamikaze.

Have you booked any gigs at any comedy clubs yet?

Is this your original material?

Dude, you got to get to Hollywood.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jan 24, 2014 8:56 pm

Prince William wrote:Wow, you are still doing this?

- Obviously yes.

Besides Danny 1, no one is paying attention, Kamikaze.

-- well technically you are. besides this is a nice place to store jokes for future reference, I'm not forcing anyone to read them.

Have you booked any gigs at any comedy clubs yet?

- we've been through this. copying and pasting off sickipedia, does not make me a comedian

Is this your original material?
- see above.

Dude, you got to get to Hollywood.
- no point. It's a well known fact that the Shermans have no sense of humor, as proved by your good self.


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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Prince William » Fri Jan 24, 2014 10:31 pm

[quote="Kamikaze"][quote="Prince William"]Wow, you are still doing this?

- Obviously yes.

Besides Danny 1, no one is paying attention, Kamikaze.

-- well technically you are. besides this is a nice place to store jokes for future reference, I'm not forcing anyone to read them.

Have you booked any gigs at any comedy clubs yet?

- we've been through this. copying and pasting off sickipedia, does not make me a comedian

Is this your original material?
- see above.


I applaud you on your American spelling of "humor." That must of hurt to stoop that low. Well done...well done.....Quite so...Quite so...

Ahh you missed that haven't you?

I love how you Brits say that we have no sense of humour(right back at you, babe). So, I reckon I wouldn't see your tele full of American situational comedies and your movie theaters stocking the latest Hollywood funny flicks, huh? Yeah, I reckon I wouldn't see that now would I? Quite so....quite so......

Ahhh don't worry youse guys, I'm just checking in to see how you loony guys are doing. Youse guys should come to an American surf predictin website forum to see if you have the stones. Ahh man, nothing but fights, bad attitudes, communication misfires, and loads of wackiness.

Alright, good evening to you, mate. Try not to drown this weekend.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:22 am

Congratulations to Lizzy Yarnold for winning Gold in the Winter Olympics. The expert coaching provided by David Beckham on how to ride the skeleton was invaluable.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Sat Feb 15, 2014 12:49 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:27 am

Superb
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Feb 18, 2014 4:06 pm

So Roy Hodgson is in Brazil looking at the facilities.

He should be quite impressed with the leather sofas in the airport departure lounge.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Feb 26, 2014 7:33 am

I walked into the Chinese with my wife "Hello, I've a table booked under the name of Smith" I told the waiter.

"Sorry sir, no booking under name of Smith" came the reply "We fully booked now".

"I believe there's been some sort of mistake" I protested "I booked this table a month in advance"

Then i realised we were in the Wong Foo King Restaurant.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Mar 09, 2014 11:11 am

So Crimea has devised an independence referendum, voted, counted the votes and ratified the results ... all within 48 hours.

Makes the Scots' performance look pretty piss-poor.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Mar 16, 2014 10:18 am

My iPhone seems to have disappeared.

Must be in airplane mode.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - -


People slag off BA for losing their luggage, but at least they don't lose the entire plane.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Mar 20, 2014 12:36 pm

I think the new shape pound coin is great.

You'll be able to use a spanner to get one out of a Scotsman's hand.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Mar 20, 2014 12:37 pm

I was a bit sceptical when I saw these no make-up selfies for cancer awareness, But as soon as I saw Holly Willoughby doing one I found myself checking my bollocks.

That's what I told the wife anyway.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Mar 20, 2014 12:39 pm

I've just been to a ventriloquist's funeral - they sang the hymn "All Things Gright And Geautikal!"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Mar 26, 2014 12:45 pm

I guess Gwyneth Paltrow finally got around to listening to Coldplay...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Mar 30, 2014 5:22 pm

What do you get when you cross Del Boy and Michael Barrymore?

Only pools and corpses
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Philshoz » Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:06 pm

Fucking classic……Rose spit my man.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:08 pm

What's the difference between golf and an orgy?

Whilst with both its possible to get through 18 holes in a few hours, with an orgy at least you don't look like a cunt in your trousers in the pub afterwards.
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