The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby majordom » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:57 pm

i was going to join the police but my application was rejected
when they found out my parents were married
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Tue Apr 26, 2011 10:53 am

^^^^eh? i dont get that.

Those memory foam pillows are useless.

Woke up and still could not find my keys.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby surfinsmiler » Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:45 pm

he means police are bastards.
What do you call a girl with two cunts?
N'Dubz
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:32 am

One good thing about premature ejaculation...

You never take the biscuit
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:37 am

How does Stephen Hawking ejaculate?

CTRL + V
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:40 am

Todays Sun headline reads.............


'Pub singer Nicked for singing Kung Fu Fighting in front of Chinese pair.'

I suppose he cant play Yellow by Coldplay as well now.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby roberdy » Thu Apr 28, 2011 10:00 am

Would you believe it !!! They sent my census form back.

In answer to the question, Do I have any dependants ?, I put YES!!! Asylum seekers , Gypos, Smack heads, unemployed bastards, the cast of the Jeremy Kyle show, Northern Rock,
RBS, Portugal, and half of Eastern Europe.

Apparently this wasn't an acceptable answer.

Did I misinterpret the question ?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Matt Rose » Fri May 06, 2011 11:38 am

Pakistan may be a thrid world country, but at least they get their bins taken out on bank holidays.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat May 07, 2011 6:28 pm

I met a popstar in a nightclub last night and we ended up getting really drunk and going back to my place.

She was all over me in the taxi, stroking and caressing my body and whispering filth into my ear,
but as soon as she got through the front door she stiffened up and her attitude changed completely.

"What the fuck is that pathetic little thing?" she demanded. "How the hell do you think that you're going to satisfy me with that?"

"I'm sorry, Adele," I replied, "it's the biggest fridge I could afford."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby kayu » Sun May 08, 2011 9:34 pm

Two Nuns walked into the fruit shop. The first one asked the shopkeeper for 2 large bananas. The second one nudged her with an elbow and whispered " get 3 and we'll eat one"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby kayu » Sun May 08, 2011 9:40 pm

The newlyweds finally got to the honeymoon suite after a big wedding. He pulled off his pants to reveal a two and a half inch cock ! She said " who do you expect to satisfy with that little thing !"??..........He replied with a big grin , ..........." ME !" 8)
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby kayu » Sun May 08, 2011 9:49 pm

I met an extremely attractive midget at the local night club on the weekend !...straight back to my place , and straight to the bedroom!!!......I dropped me pants , and she went up on me .........
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat May 14, 2011 8:47 am

So the husband of the woman killed in Tenerife was interviewed by BBC News and released this statement:

"I thought Friday the 13th was supposed to be unlucky?"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby shackattack2 » Mon May 16, 2011 10:39 am

If you want to see what your baby boys going to grow up to be, then the best method is to put a finger in his bum.

If he squeals, then he's going to be a singer

If he kicks, then he'll be a footballer






And if he smiles, he's gay :lol:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue May 17, 2011 6:41 pm

I found a dead body last night and reported it to the police.
"How did you find the body?" the Officer asked


I replied "The tits were ok but the arse was a bit too tight"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby roberdy » Mon May 30, 2011 8:44 pm

In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine

In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby rank_amateur » Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:38 pm

"Hey beautiful, you remind me of my little toe."

"Why, because I'm small and cute?"

"No, coz I can see me banging you on my dining room table!"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby harkii » Sun Jun 26, 2011 10:49 pm

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?


FULL!!!!!!!!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Loves 2 Jacket » Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:30 am

The best part about having sex with 21yr olds is that there are 21 of them.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby roberdy » Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:38 am

Loves 2 Jacket wrote:The best part about having sex with 21yr olds is that there are 21 of them.


I think you find that works better if you say;

"The best part about having sex with 21yr olds is that there are 20 of them!...."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:03 am

Yeah, that way the joke actually makes some sense.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby harkii » Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:34 pm

aye but the first way was funny too cause he made an arse of it
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:32 am

I pulled my wife bleeding from the wrecked car, as she screamed and pleaded for me to let her have one more shot at parking it again.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:39 am

It's not Harveys fault he's retarded, all he ate in the womb was diet pills and sperm.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby harkii » Mon Jul 18, 2011 9:54 pm

Paddy says to Mick

"whats your pet hate mick"

mick replies



"it doesnt like my knob up its arse"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby purpleandy » Tue Jul 19, 2011 10:15 am

my wife went missing ten days ago. the police have told me to expect the worst, so i've been to the charity shop to see if they can get her clothes back...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby harkii » Tue Jul 19, 2011 9:23 pm

I took what i thought was liquid viagra last night it was infact tippex.

i woke up this morning with a massive correction
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Underdog » Fri Jul 29, 2011 9:28 pm

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other wanker using my stuff."

She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another wanker?"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby deak » Sat Jul 30, 2011 10:58 am

what's the connection between micheal jackson and amy winehouse?

they both had a ten year old crack habit.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Johnny_rad » Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:57 pm

I went over my new girlfriends house the other week for Sunday dinner, when she asked if I could "turn on the veg"..




Apparantely fingering her disabled sister was the wrong thing to do............
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