The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Bran Dog » Tue Aug 09, 2011 8:06 am

Amy Whitehouse arrives at the pearly gates and is met by St Peter and Micheal Jackson.Peter turns to Jacko "Micheal this is Amy;she was a singer back on earth" "Fuck the singer"says Micheal "Where's the 70 kids you promised me"?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Tue Aug 09, 2011 10:02 am

(I must be dense; can someone please explain :?: )
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby J L » Tue Aug 09, 2011 11:52 am

Chris F wrote:(I must be dense; can someone please explain :?: )


+1 :?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby munkee » Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:53 pm

J L wrote:
Chris F wrote:(I must be dense; can someone please explain :?: )


+1 :?


+2
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Bran Dog » Tue Aug 09, 2011 3:16 pm

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby J L » Tue Aug 09, 2011 3:33 pm

Bran Dog wrote:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14259356



Ah- yes thats very good,

Thread title, The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

FAIL :roll:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Tue Aug 09, 2011 4:31 pm

I vote JL 8)
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:50 am

+1
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby munkee » Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:45 pm

What's the Opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:54 am

URGENT ADVICE NEEDED.

Could anyone out there possibly explain to me the exact position of a woman's clitoris, as I am concerned that I may have been licking my new girlfriends piles for the last two weeks.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Aug 21, 2011 2:52 pm

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

"Salad tastes nice."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Bran Dog » Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:06 pm

J L wrote:
Bran Dog wrote:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14259356



Ah- yes thats very good,

Thread title, The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

FAIL :roll:


Ah for fecks sake that wasn't meant to be the joke just a reference.My bad.Tricky subject to crack a smile over.I'll get me coat again
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby NOBODYIMPORTANT » Sat Sep 17, 2011 9:29 pm

Holy Shit! I'm in the United States and I thought we had the rudest jokes, but you fuckers have some great stuff!
Thanks for letting me join your group, I don't surf anything but the net, and whew! There's some big porn waves out there!
Let me share a couple of my jokes:

What's the first sign of Aids?

A pounding sensation in your ass!
------------------------------------
How do you tell if you are at a gay picnic?

The weiners taste like shit.
-------------------------------------
What do you get when you cross a nigger and an Irishman?

A car thief that's too drunk to drive.
---------------------------------------
Hear about the two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
---------------------------------------
Whats the best part about having sex in the shower with a twelve year old............
You can slick their hair back and make them look nine.
---------------------------------------
After a night of crazy partying aguy notices he has 2 rings around his cock. One is red, one is brown.
Scared shitless, he goes to urgent care. After several tests and hours of waiting the doctor comes out
and greets him. The doc says "well, there is nothing wrong medically but you might want to sit down."
"The red ring is lipstick, the brown ring is Copenhagen!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
An Arkansas girl asks her Dad to use the car.
He tells her "No sweetheart not tonight."
She says "I'll blow you for it."
He decides that would be ok.
When she finishes she says "Daddy I don't mind blowing you since I
want the car and all, but your dick tastes like shit."
He thumps his head and says "That's right that's why you can't have the car, your brother already has it."
-----------------------------------------------------------
A bus load of Nuns die in an unfortunate traffic accident, on route to heaven.
St. Perter asks the first nun;
"have you ever had contact with a penis?",
she replies, "I once touched one with my finger."
St. Peter then directs her to dip it into the holy water and continues to ask the next nun the same question.
"I fondled one once", she replies,
"Put your hand in the water", he says.
So the second nun puts her whole hand in the holy water.
Suddenly they hear a commotion, a nun has pushed her way to the front of the line, St. Peter asks the nun whats wrong, She replies,
"Well if I'm going to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before sister Ann sticks her ass in it!.

Anyways, thanks again and keep that rude shit coming!
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Re:

Postby NOBODYIMPORTANT » Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:05 pm

Snowfun wrote:Image
:oops: [/img]


Why don't Ethiopians go to the movies?
They don't weigh enough to hold the seats down!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Tue Oct 04, 2011 10:05 pm

My son told me this yesterday ................

What have Carlos Tevez and Madeline McCann got in common ? They'll both never play in England again ...... :lol: :shock: :oops:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby otterr » Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:59 pm

neutrino



knock knock, who's there
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby otterr » Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:00 pm

we don't see many sub atomic particles in here, said the barman


a neutrino walked into a bar
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Thu Oct 06, 2011 7:06 pm

Everyone working at Apple have lost their Jobs.

( i know it's rubbish, thought of it this morning).
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:43 pm

iCoffin anyone ? just made that up as well Chris - iShite , iKnow , i'LL get mi Coat :? :roll:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:11 am

iMdead?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:13 am

Serious question, why is everyone God-worshipping Steve Jobs?

He attached a hard drive to an MP3 player then later on added a phone.

It's not like he cured cancer.

- - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - -
Steve Jobs' funeral will be held next week, after which he will be reburied every six months in a slightly better coffin.

- - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - -
Just walked past an Apple store. Picked myself up a free iPad that was lying around outside next to some flowers. Result.

- - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - -
Steve Jobs cannot die.

We all own one of his Horcruxes.
- - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - -


So Steve Jobs died.

He's probably in an appier place now.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Underdog » Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:40 pm

I sat on the tube last week opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, don't get an erection, please don't get an erection....but she did.
Godrevy; Just like surfing. but smaller (and without the power)
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Mon Oct 10, 2011 9:51 pm

Underdog wrote:I sat on the tube last week opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, don't get an erection, please don't get an erection....but she did.


then what happened ..................
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Underdog » Tue Oct 11, 2011 8:39 am

ATTMFKH wrote:then what happened ..................


Ugghhh !!!!..........just thinking about it leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:21 am

Microsoft users have been proven right for once. They always said Steve Jobs couldn't build a computer to save his life.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Underdog » Sun Oct 23, 2011 9:50 pm

My girlfriend thinks I am a stalker. ..........................


........................Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Godrevy; Just like surfing. but smaller (and without the power)
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Underdog » Sun Oct 23, 2011 9:52 pm

I saw a poor old lady trip over on the pavement today! Well, I presume she was poor, she only had £1.20 in her purse.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Oct 25, 2011 12:18 pm

The last time man u fans got fucked that bad, Ian Huntley went to prison for it.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Oct 26, 2011 5:50 pm

ITV2 have just announced their winter schedule.

There's a new reality show featuring Elton John, George Michael, Michael Barrymore, Graham Norton and Alan Carr

"The Only Way Is Arse Sex".
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby munkee » Fri Nov 11, 2011 1:56 pm

I like my girlfriend like I like my Vodka

5 Years old and illegally imported from Russia
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