The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:31 pm

I've just bought some of that 007 Viagra.




It makes you roger more!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:53 pm

Feminists have got it all wrong. Us men don't 'see all women as sex objects'.



Just the ones with nice tits and arses.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Nov 25, 2011 1:14 pm

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face




Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.




I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!


Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.  I woke this morning with a huge correction.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Sun Nov 27, 2011 9:42 pm

great gags mate...wish i could post gere direct from text message ive got loads of material on text
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:54 pm

could see if this is any good.

http://sms2email.com/site/sms2email.php
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Nov 29, 2011 12:14 pm

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.


Sadly far to true!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Nov 29, 2011 12:18 pm

As the sperm swam towards the egg, I was pretty sure I had just ruined my wife's fried breakfast.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Dec 10, 2011 10:02 am

Wondering what to do with that leftover turkey carcass at Christmas?


Take it to bed and pretend you're David Beckham.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby swiggy » Sat Dec 10, 2011 10:41 am

My mate just posted these on facebook
The definition of a dilemma.

My house keepsgetting burgled.

My daughter just told me she was a lesbian.

I only have one hidden camera!


Just seen the headline "woman beats off rapist" and thought; that seems like a reasonable compromise
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Dec 19, 2011 1:41 pm

"Kim Jong Il dies at 69."

That's how I'd like to go. With wet balls and a face full of Fanny.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:21 pm

What's covered in semen and goes 253 MPH?

A Bukkake Veyron
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Mon Jan 02, 2012 11:38 pm

thousands of North Korean women are lining the streets wearing gaudy earrings crying at the demise of Pat Butcher.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby buttholesurfer » Sun Jan 08, 2012 8:07 pm

A baby shark asks his dad "Why do we circle people in the water with our fins showing before we eat them, why don't we just attack?" The wise old father shark said "They taste better without the shit inside them."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 11, 2012 7:21 am

Having a girl with a tattoo on the back of her neck is much like having a bathroom with a magazine in it -




It gives you something to read while you're in the shitter.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:32 pm

The other day I was on a train, sat opposite me was a really scruffy woman with black teeth and lank and greasy hair, she was accompanied by two equally dirty looking toddlers, they stank of BO.

She spent most of her time on her mobile, her language was foul, even the kids, were 'f'ing and blinding as they fought over an electronic game.

She produced a packet of sausage rolls and a couple of cans of Coke for lunch. All three of them ate like pigs the table was soon covered in crumbs, then, to make things worse, one of the kids spilt half a can of pop on top. To my disbelieve she used one of their bobble hats, to wipe the mess onto the floor.

When the kids got up to go the loo I leant across and said, "You are a dirty, foul mouthed cow!"

She said, "What the fuck are you going to do about it?"

"Fucking divorce you!" I replied.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:22 am

These are shite , so apologies in advance - but the last two mad me laugh :roll: :lol: :lol:

Antony Worrall Thompson stole some cheddar? How dairy!

I went to see Ready Steady Cook the other day. It was fantastic. Antony Worrall Thompson absolutely stole the show.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuffed up Worrall Thompson's jacket.

Antony Worrall Thompson has been caught shoplifting milk, yeast and flour from his local Tesco. He's clearly run out of dough.

There's no such thing as a free lunch. Unless you're using the Worrall Thompson recipe book.

Antony Worrall Thompson stole some cheese and wine. And that was only for starters.

Antony Worrall Thompson was caught stealing cheese from Tesco. He should have done it more Caerphilly.

I don't care what he's done, I'm still hanging on to my Antony Worrall Thompson blender. Better the Breville you know


Asked how he feels about stealing cheese, Antony Worrall Thompson admits it wasn't very mature!!
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:18 am

Anne Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps!

So now when the guy goes down he can have a bevvy as well!

However, anti-drink campaigner's want it banned amid fears of 24 hr minge drinking !!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jan 20, 2012 9:10 am

My wife came downstairs after she just had a bath and said to me "Ive just shaved my pussy, you know what that means"

I said "Yeah, fucking plugs blocked again!"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:32 am

Kamikaze wrote:Anne Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps!

So now when the guy goes down he can have a bevvy as well!

However, anti-drink campaigner's want it banned amid fears of 24 hr minge drinking !!
hahahha
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Jan 22, 2012 4:38 pm

I was taking a piss at the urinals, and a dwarf standing beside me kept giving me a wink.

"What do you want?" I asked. "Do you fancy me or something?"

"No...you're splashing my fucking eyes."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Mon Jan 23, 2012 8:47 pm

keep em coming Kamakaze quality gags
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby henryg » Mon Jan 23, 2012 9:41 pm

Yeah nice one kamikaze you keep this thread alive :-D
STOP...... Hammertime
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:43 pm

I was having a full blown threesome with these two dirty bitches at work. The blonde one was taking it up the arse while the black one was licking and slurping on my balls....Then the boss walked in. Needless to say I lost my job at the kennels
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:44 pm

They have set the toughest Bush tucker trial ever on I'm a celebrity get me out of here tonite.a Kangaroo has to eat Fatima Whitbreads Testicles.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:45 pm

Woman goes to doctors & says "Everytime I take my bra off a man pops up between my tits pulling stupid faces"
Doc says "Oh that's quite common. You must have sillycunt implants"
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:45 pm

There's a few off me phone...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby harkii » Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:41 pm

Kamikaze wrote:Anne Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps!

So now when the guy goes down he can have a bevvy as well!

However, anti-drink campaigner's want it banned amid fears of 24 hr minge drinking !!

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaa
that really made me laugh out very feckin loud man :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby harkii » Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:37 pm

called my boss earlier and said i wont be returning to work tomorrow because i was having vaginal issues.
He said "for fucks sake your a man".
i replied "yes but your a cunt".
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby tehraab » Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:17 pm

Apologies if any of these have already bin dun!

Hey, bit of gossip for ya, dont say anything, but guess who's still together after all the shit thats gone on between them??............. your bumcheeks

Pippa Middleton's arse is like a JK Rowling book. Sooner or later you know Harry will be in it!

A doctor had his students in an anatomy class where there were dissecting a body. The doctor said rule 1; dont be repulsed by anything in the human body. So, he stuck his finger up the corpse's ass pulled his finger out & sucked it! He told the students to do the same. After hesitating, they stuck their finger up and sucked it! The doctor then said "I used my middle finger and sucked my thumb... rule 2, pay attention"

I was showing my doctor a nasty rash on my cock today, he seemed pretty uncomfortable and didn't want to touch it. He just said make an appointment for Monday morning, and carried on pushing his shopping trolley around Morrisons.

I felt shit today, I must stop buying tesco valued toilet paper!

I'll add more soon
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:20 pm

The owners of the Costa Concordia have announced that the next captain is guaranteed not to hit anything. Captain Ameobi starts next Monday.
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