The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Oct 07, 2012 8:19 pm

"After costing us a fortune over the years, I hope Abu Hamza rots in jail over in America."

Said Mr.P.Smith, a hook a duck stall holder from Finsbury Park, London.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:20 am

All these celebreties coming out as predatory sex monsters, makes me sick.

Just found out that Morph was a playdohpile !!!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 12, 2012 4:11 pm

Gordon Ramsay has been caught shipping in ready made meals via transit van to serve in his restaurant.

He was quick to point out that although this is true, the van does have 4 Michelin tyres.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 12, 2012 5:25 pm

An excerpt from the book we've all been dying to read!

50 Shades of Geordie…


I knew as soon as I walked through the door from dropping the bairn off at me mothers that I was ganna get some. I peeped through the fist-hole in the living room door and saw the half a rolley burning in the ashtray perched on the arm of me new Bright House corner settee. The telly was turned reet doon, ah cudn't even hear what Lorraine was sayin’about the new fashion for the summer nor nowt. Then I saw ‘im and me heart skipped a beat, he'd obviously had a crisis loan and been down the metro, cos he was wearing fresh new tracky bottoms and a brand new pair of flossies, his rippling white chest peeped out from behind the zip of his superdry coat, that was sexily only zipped halfway up just enough to cover the tack burns, but give me a cheeky glimpse of what was to come.

He pulled me towards him and whispered "Y'all reet pet" before plantin’ the lips on me, I trembled under the aroma of Golden Virginia and stale Stella.



He took me there and then, right on the Argos rug whilst our staffy Tyson looked on.

He left without a word, but he would be returnin’ soon, with tales of a fight in the job centre queue and his joy at finding a poond coin on the floor of the 54 bus.

I tried to settle myself down with a tab but all the while that one question burned in me heart…

Would he remember the meat pasty from Greggs?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Oct 13, 2012 6:43 am

Women quite often say that they want "the strong, silent type", but not when it comes to flatulence apparently...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:20 am

Two female radio presenters claim that they were groped on air by Dave Lee Travis.

One was asked 'Were you grabbed by the Hairy Cornflake?'.

'No the tits' she replied.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:04 pm

Go down a waterslide while it isn't wet and then you'll understand why foreplay is so important.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Oct 19, 2012 6:22 pm

Two more victims have come forward in the BBC abuse scandal. They claim they were regularly fisted and fingered by elderly men on a weekly basis and then locked away until the next week. Both Sooty and Sweep claim they were so traumtised it left them speechless.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Oct 22, 2012 11:41 am

I just received a call from an Indian telemarketer.

So I handed the phone to my three year old son and told him that Santa Claus is on the phone. Their conversation has been going on for ages!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Oct 23, 2012 6:24 am

Can't wait for Halloween.

My Jimmy Saville costume arrived today... only problem it's a bit small though...

Looks like it's for fucking kids!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Oct 23, 2012 4:54 pm

The BBC have announced that Bob The Builder has been sacked as they can no longer trust any children's TV star who claims to be able to fix it.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:58 pm

Anyone who has sex with someone old enough to be their grandfather deserves a medal.

According to Jim'll Fix It.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby purpleandy » Thu Oct 25, 2012 7:29 am

I wish people would leave Jimmy Saville alone he granted me a wish when i was 8 years old!!!
I got to milk a cow blindfolded.

When questioned, not one alleged victim at Stoke Manderville Hospitals Spinal Unit said they felt Jimmy touch them down there.

All the sports shops are selling shiny Jimmy Saville style gold shell suits.....
You get an adult size top but you have to squeeze into kids bottoms
CAMWA founding member - the campaign for warm ale. Bloody kiwis stick everything in the fridge........cold ale is just plain wrong.....
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Nov 02, 2012 3:22 pm

Polyfilla have just launched their saville range. It fills small cracks and you won't be able to tell for thirty years.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Nov 05, 2012 8:05 am

I can't beleive people are still comeing up with this stuff.


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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Mon Nov 05, 2012 11:18 am

"Threw the new bond villain out of my boozer last night."

"Javier Bardem?"

"Nah. I'll let him back in when he's sobered up."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Nov 15, 2012 7:27 am

"After stubbing his cigar in my eye because I wouldn't suck his cock, I hope that bastard Savile rots in hell."

P.Bear, BBC Studios, London.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Nov 16, 2012 8:55 am

" Children in Need " is on the BBC tomorrow.

Given the current situation, I don't think the BBC are the best judges of what children need.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Fri Nov 16, 2012 10:58 am

More scandal in the Jimmy Saville case at the BBC : Pudsey Bear's just been arrested for turning a blind eye ................................. gay :roll:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Fri Nov 16, 2012 12:58 pm

I was initially impressed when my daughter told me she was dating a tycoon. Turns out he's just a black guy from Bangkok.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Jim Birtwisle » Fri Nov 16, 2012 8:40 pm

Apparently Jimmy Savile was in line to get the England manager's job at one point but was eventually turned down due to the fact he kept wanting to put Seaman in the under 16's.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:50 pm

I've always dreamt of having a girlfriend who isn't shy in the bedroom.

Then I met Angela who farts like a fucking racehorse.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Nov 28, 2012 12:32 pm

The Archbishop of Canterbury has said that, for Christians, Christmas should be a time of showing peace and goodwill to your fellow man and helping the poor, the sick and the needy.

Surely for Christians those should be more year-round activities.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Dec 02, 2012 6:24 pm

My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is shit.. The flaps only open from 1-16
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:29 am

(I can't beleive these are still coming out)

I wish people would leave Jimmy Savile alone.

I remember meeting him on holiday in Portugal during 2007, and he seemed a lovely chap.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Dec 22, 2012 10:30 am

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 16, 2013 8:59 am

Every time I see Nigella lick jam off a spoon, I get a raging hard on, and yet when my wife does the same thing I stay flaccid.

Does anyone know what brand of jam Nigella uses, as I believe my wife is buying the wrong jam.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Jan 17, 2013 9:43 pm

The BBC have just commissioned a new series about the life of Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe.

Ho's under the hammer will start in early spring.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Paul C » Fri Jan 18, 2013 3:12 pm

Have you heard about the Irish person who went on to a naturist beach fully clothed then put on a robie got completely undressed inside it then took it off and lay out in the sun.
Later that day stood up completely naked put on the robie and got fully dressed and went home. :lol:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT RUDE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 30, 2013 4:22 pm

In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer; throw in your washing.

We were all having a good laugh about this, when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits.”

I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”

“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”


Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night.
Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement…! That's when I thought “Hang on just a minute…”



I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted “Where you off to Charlie?”
He said, “I'm off to change a light bulb.”
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. …then said,
“That's gonna be a bit awkward init?”
“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”
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