The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Oct 14, 2014 6:06 am

My missus is pissed off with me again.
Last night, whilst she was fast asleep, I gently removed her tampon and replaced it with a party popper leaving the string hanging out.
I'm telling you, that woman has got no sense of humour at all..!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Oct 15, 2014 6:09 am

My son told he might be gay, but he wasn't sure.

So I put on some gay porn, and asked, "Well, does this turn you on?"

Disgusted, he said, "Not really."

"Why?" I asked. "Do the penises and hairy bums not do it for you?"

"They usually do," he replied. "But not when it's you and uncle Kenny."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Oct 21, 2014 4:03 pm

Bono has finally explained why he always wears sunglasses.... he suffers from glaucoma.

At least we now know why he still hasn't found what he's looking for.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Nov 15, 2014 10:11 am

I'm not sure if Kim Kardashian has actually managed to 'break the internet', but she's certainly put a big crack in it!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:45 am

So Rosetta scientists have waited ten years and spent millions to finally get a few pictures back of the grey barren and lifeless world of a Comet.

They should have just typed in "Coventry " on Google street view.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Nov 18, 2014 7:08 am

Thirty fucking years of the same shit song and not once has Bob thought just to buy the poor bastards a calender so they would know when Christmas is.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Philshoz » Sun Nov 23, 2014 5:38 pm

I thought is was very touching of Nicole Shirtlifter being there at the end of the Grand Prix eager to kiss Lewis's helmet :shock:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Nov 28, 2014 12:56 pm

I like my women how I like my advent calendars. Against my wall, flaps open.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Dec 21, 2014 10:26 am

I've just bought the British IBS Society's charity advent calendar.


For fuck's sake, somebody open a window.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby danny1 » Mon Dec 29, 2014 3:34 pm

Haha lol d lots there
yak yak yak yak yak yak yak
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:17 am

So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda

Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists now!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jan 16, 2015 8:25 pm

It was dark... I grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her towards me...her mouth was open....I reached for her waist and she rolled onto her front...I could feel she was so so wet...

My job recovering bodies for Air Asia is a nightmare
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jan 28, 2015 12:23 pm

I'm in a band called called Dyslexia

We've just released our greatest shit album
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Black » Wed Jan 28, 2015 1:57 pm

The other day I stopped off at the petrol station with some beers on the front seat and an attractive young lady who'd also stopped walked over, looked at the beers and said "Wanna swap beer for sex?"
I thought about it a little and said "Maybe, what beer ya got?"
Never growing old together...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Jan 30, 2015 8:05 pm

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Obviously not 8 because my basement is still dark.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Leven » Fri Jan 30, 2015 8:07 pm

Kamikaze wrote:How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Obviously not 8 because my basement is still dark.



What's the difference between a Ferrari, and a skip full of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.....
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:22 am

What's the difference between a skipful of babies and a skipful of sand?

You can't unload sand with a garden fork.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Mon Feb 02, 2015 12:18 pm

^^^ :lol:

That reminds me of a joke I told up at Torrisdale in the wee small hours .......... there were a couple of female surfers who joined us for a beer and it was a tumbleweed moment after delivery ......

‘What’s the difference between sand & afterbirth – you can’t gargle sand’
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Leven » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:26 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Chris F » Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:14 am

I heard the same one with period blood, not afterbirth.

I was caught sniggering during yoga yesterday when the teacher said "if any of you are up on blocks" (referring to a foam block).

(Google it in the profanisaurus - nsfw).
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Feb 17, 2015 7:19 am

Have you ever wondered why mountain climbers rope themselves together?
It's to stop the sensible ones going home.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby insideout » Sat Feb 21, 2015 10:46 am

This is always a good one to bring out at the dinner table...

Would you rather,

Lick out your mum

Or

Suck off your dad?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby insideout » Sat Feb 21, 2015 10:47 am

Q: How do you know your sister is on the blob?

A: Your dad's dick tastes funny....
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby insideout » Sat Feb 21, 2015 10:49 am

What's 12 inches long and makes every woman scream?


























Stillborn......
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Feb 24, 2015 8:34 pm

I masturbate with my little finger out.




I'm not posh, it's just that I can only fit four fingers in my ass.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Tue Feb 24, 2015 11:42 pm

this thread's taken a nasty turn :lol: :lol: :twisted:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby ATTMFKH » Tue Feb 24, 2015 11:42 pm

this thread's taken a nasty turn :lol: :lol: :twisted:
Are We Too Deep ...............
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:12 am

The investigation into Cliff Richard has now "increased significantly" to include former band members.

Personally, I think they're chasing Shadows.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Mar 10, 2015 8:45 pm

My arm shakes so much from Parkinson's Disease, scrubbing the bathroom tiles is a doddle.


Which is handy, there's piss everywhere.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Mar 16, 2015 8:15 pm

What do you call a dog with no tongue?

Scruffy bollocks
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