The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Mar 26, 2015 8:33 pm

Am I the only one that finds it ironic that One Direction have gone their separate ways?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Apr 02, 2015 6:15 am

What is large, has no fur, is found in the Highlands of Scotland and sounds like a Moose?


A Hoose
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Apr 02, 2015 7:15 pm

My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.
"Really!" I exclaimed.
"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."
That'll teach her to try and be funny...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat Apr 04, 2015 9:14 am

After going down on my new girlfriend, I now know she was on Plenty of Fish for all the wrong reasons.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Apr 10, 2015 6:19 am

I was unbelievably excited when I took delivery of our 62inch, 3D Smart tv, and as I hugged and drooled over it on its stand, the wife let out a derisory huff..

"Look at the state of you, you're pathetic." She snarled. "Fawning over a tv, why can't you manage that sort of affection for me?"


"Because I can get my fucking arms around the telly."
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Apr 22, 2015 8:04 pm

Stella Cidre - For the man who likes to beat his wife in the countryside.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:48 pm

apparently Masturbation may help prevent the common cold.


Hope so, I've got no tissues left.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:49 pm

Is it too early to say that Keith Harris touched me when I was an egg?
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu Apr 30, 2015 6:49 pm

I heard my son chanting: "DOMINE... BACTERIUM... LACTOBACILLUS... CASEI... SHIROTA!"

I think he's dabbling in the Yakult.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Thu May 28, 2015 7:10 pm

In Game Of Thrones, it's taken winter so long to come, you might want to consider sticking a finger up its arse.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sat May 30, 2015 6:33 pm

England may withdraw from the next world cup over the FIFA scandal.

That's disgraceful. Our players need those three games.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jun 02, 2015 7:38 am

Oh my god, they killed Kennedy!

You bastards!
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Jun 03, 2015 8:13 pm

US terrorism investigators have shot dead a man who lunged at them with a knife, say police.

Lesson learnt, if you are black and work at Subway, ask if they want Mayo, don't point.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby munkee » Fri Jun 05, 2015 2:26 pm

What's the difference between Jam and Marmite?









You can't Marmite your cock into a birds arse.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:48 pm

At least the girl who lost her leg in the Alton Towers accident now has something to smile about

They've offered her a job on the pirate ship
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:49 pm

I'm convinced my wife is trying to poison me by putting detergent in my food.


I've just farted and cleaned my own boxers.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:52 pm

Judging by the state of my testicles, Firewalking is not a good idea if you're a midget.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:53 pm

The first rule of Paedo Club is, when in public always refer to it as the Catholic Church.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:56 pm

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant

But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Jul 06, 2015 6:28 pm

My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:09 pm

'Our Cilla' has died and gone to Heaven, she's 'God's Cilla' now.

So expect her to be attacking Tokyo in the upcoming weeks.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Black » Fri Aug 07, 2015 8:10 pm

Kamikaze wrote:'Our Cilla' has died and gone to Heaven, she's 'God's Cilla' now.

So expect her to be attacking Tokyo in the upcoming weeks.

I liked Cilla Black but some thought her a plague.
The Black death affected most people.
Never growing old together...
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Mon Aug 17, 2015 7:00 pm

The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted "Stop", but if anything that made things worse.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Aug 30, 2015 7:50 pm

I've never actually seen two women scissoring but I'd bet you it sounds like an armpit farting contest.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Sep 01, 2015 7:12 pm

Its been 18 years to the day since the death of Princess Diana.

I still grieve and the images of the scene still haunt me.

Sleek, elegant, a vision of sheer beauty - a tragic loss and a terrible waste.....

Of a Mercedes 600
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Nov 01, 2015 8:11 pm

i cant beleive its 2 months since the last decent(ish) joke

Thought I'd seen the end of the Trick or Treaters after I'd poured a bucket of piss over the last lot through my upstairs window, but, fuck me, within five minutes two much older looking kids knocked on the door and got the same treatment.

I'd love to see them explain the smell when they take those police costumes back to the fancy dress shop.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Sun Nov 01, 2015 8:12 pm

Today is the only day of the year my wife wears crotchless knickers, but not for my benefit,
it's for a better grip on her broom.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Nov 10, 2015 8:07 pm

The latest sex toy is a genuine cut glass butt plug.

Hold it up to the light and you can see all the colours of the rectum.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Tue Nov 10, 2015 8:08 pm

I've finally come to accept I'm dyslexic and I'll always be dyslexic.

A Leotard can't change its spots.
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Re: The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFE

Postby Kamikaze » Wed Nov 11, 2015 9:23 pm

If rimming out my girlfriend's arsehole has taught me one thing, it's that we need to spend more on toilet paper.
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