The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

A place for regulars and new visitors to talk about whatever comes to mind. An opportunity to share your 'non-surf' wisdom with the rest of us.

Postby stephh » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:05 pm

WTF is that site :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: . If it is real why on earth would you make a website :?: :?: :?:

"If there are any women here, just don't look."

yep I'm a girlie and looked............................. :? :?

A lot of head shaking here.
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Postby Powl » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:11 pm

snowfun wrote:he,he,he :lol: :lol: you got me! i can't actually reply as can only think of such low down abuse that it may be wrong


:lol: :lol: Ok, i think we better leave it there then. Like most London derbies, 1-1 is a fair result...
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Postby jaques le cont » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:12 pm

I did warn you.

So your a girl hey. :wink:
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Postby Snowfun » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:23 pm

Grizzly wrote:K mac, feel free, Snowfun, there is something seriously wrong with you :lol:

when hung over and knacked my brain does short circuit towards the dark side...quite tempted to crap under housemates bed after last night. get home at 3.30 or so this morning quite hammered then spend 15 mins thinking im being a drunk spak as cant turn key...then it finally hits me that the fuckers double locked it!! try banging ..no response..have to sleep in car..which has my mountain bike in, parked on street. recline passenger seat to 45 degree and pass in and out of conciousness whilst shaking and getting freezing...no sleeping bag or nothing..t - shirt and tracky top type thing....seriously thought was gonna die. set the alarm for 6.55 so can jump mate on way out as he opens door push him over..in a humourous way. says he passed out in back room and cant remember locking door but used to do it until i moved in so must be 'habit' !! ggrrrrr might disable the lock
if its not snow its water
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Postby Chewbecca » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:31 pm

Anyone remember defvac.com? Now that was a site only to be looked at on a sunny day and an empty stomach!!
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Postby Snowfun » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:37 pm

thanks chewy, im now searching the depths of the net and finding it strangley relieving for my hangover

think defvac or whatever has gone but oh, so many more, this has every page needed to send everyone into a murdering psyhco ( with no spelling ability):-
http://www.darksites.net/gor.shtml

its not big, clever or right..but its out there and you should be informed

over 18's only i believe
if its not snow its water
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Postby Bigjohn » Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:09 pm

http://poetry.rotten.com/refreshment/

When you've got to go, you've got to go! :lol:
......Rubber Duck this is Pig Pen, I'm gonna put the hammer down..........

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Postby Chewbecca » Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:14 pm

Yeah, defvac (defecation vacation) sadly closed its doors a few years ago under the sheer weight of all the death threats its owner was receiving. Anything nasty you wanted was on there, and I mean ANYTHING.

They used to show a few pics on their splash page, once they had a really good one of a porcupine that had been squashed on the road and then had a road marker truck paint over it - hilarious. I showed it to some people at uni, except it had changed to a pic of a girl impailed on a big stake - just what you need to show your new mates when you're a fresher :oops:
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Postby Snowfun » Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:28 pm

i'd have thought you were a very cool chick if id seen that! :lol:
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Postby blind » Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:30 pm

bigJohn is that some sort of new thermos flask :shock: :shock: , I've heard it does banana flavour nutty bars as well
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Postby stephh » Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:05 pm

I suspect I'll regret this, yes jlc I'm a girly :D
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Postby DonRedondo » Thu Dec 08, 2005 8:12 pm

Grizzly wrote:Right. This site, i think is a joke and as such classes as a gruesome, funked up hoax. If it is real, then it's still gruesome and funked up and a bit... unsettling. Actually, it's unsettling either way. It's truely grim. And sad. And warped. Do not look if you're feeling hungover, just eaten, under 18, or even still retain the last vestiges of humanity. It's awful.
(And I actually mean all that, it's not just a build up. It's just...kinda....not right. At all.)

No really. You won't like it. None of you. And if you do, there's something wrong with you.

For real.

here it is:

http://riot.lashells.com/justine.html



gross, just totaL GROSS.
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Postby dan the dagger man » Thu Dec 08, 2005 10:25 pm

george best is called into his doctor .

doctor says " george , i have good news and bad news for you !!"

george replies " well , my day cant get much worse what is the bad news ? "

doctor says " you only have 1 hour to live "

"christ !!" george replies " what the hell is the good news ???? "

doctor replies " its happy hour !!!! "
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Postby thedeadly » Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:32 am

MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,
"You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."
Never buy a stupid dwarf - Its not big and its not clever
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Postby dannygoal » Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:42 pm

Gary Glitter has been arrested but wont be sentenced. Instead he will be put into rehab to deal with his 12 year old crack addiction. :!:
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Postby surfrett » Fri Dec 09, 2005 4:07 pm

thedeadly wrote:MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,
"You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."


ah i heard that from my 6 yr old sis :wink:
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Postby hara-kiri » Fri Dec 09, 2005 4:28 pm

your 6yr sis was saying that one!! :shock: :shock:
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Postby surfrett » Fri Dec 09, 2005 4:33 pm

yeah..well just turned 7 :lol:

thats not the joke anyways...it was something like

Judge: "why do you want to divorce Minni"
Mickey: "because shes fuking goofy"
Judge: *shrugs shoulders* as if to say looks isnt everything
Mickey: "NO she is literally FUKING GOOFY".

but hey...no worries...not a foul joke anyways :wink:
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Postby dt83aw » Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:32 pm

thedeadly wrote:MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,
"you can't divorce minnie for having buck teeth!."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she had buck teeth, I said she was fucking Goofy."


there you go!...

also!...what have marriages and hurricanes got in common???...

...at first theres a lot of sucking and blowing..but by the end you lose your house!
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Postby thedeadly » Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:59 pm

i just cut and paste them from e-mails so , ner ner ......
Never buy a stupid dwarf - Its not big and its not clever
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Postby Condor_R3D » Sun Dec 11, 2005 11:13 pm

The three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook since they got really old.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"

The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"

The third old man laughed and said " That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a pee yesterday I came three times."
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something" - PLATO
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Postby Condor_R3D » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:07 pm

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. The one guy says "I'm a YUPPIE. . . you know. . .Young Urban Professional." The second guy says "I'm a DINK. . . you know. . .Double Income No Kids." They ask the woman "What are you?" She replied "I'm a WIFE. . . Ya know. . .Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something" - PLATO
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Postby Snowfun » Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:10 pm

Happy Christmas folks!

--------------------------------------------------------
It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off.His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and He owes thousands of pounds to the bank.Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder

"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.

he man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.

"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas, I will grant you three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!"

"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you,

Father Christmas promises him that:

1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return,she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.

2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%.
Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.

3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in credit, you will have no outstanding bills.

"Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man.

"What is it that I can do for you?"

Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over.
After a quite brutal rogering, which made his eyes water a little,
Father Christmas asks the man how old he is.



"36" replies the man.


>"Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't

>you!?" chuckled the fat gay bastard in fancy dress
if its not snow its water
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Postby The Hoff » Mon Jan 09, 2006 2:39 pm

What can turn a fruit into veg?







Aids
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Postby Snowfun » Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:55 am

this is a naughty , non office friendly picture but v. funny and have had women also find it very ammusing, plus as the thread says dont read if your easily offended. plus its female nudity so dont open pic if under 18. ( also im not posting pic directly just the link) , so hopefully that covers all the crap here's the pic...
homer simpson.......maybe he should be eating a hotdog ?
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a239/snowfun/Homer_Simpson.jpg

......if you still want to moan i'll delete it :roll:
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Postby Bigjohn » Tue Jan 10, 2006 11:58 am

:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Filth!
......Rubber Duck this is Pig Pen, I'm gonna put the hammer down..........

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Postby Frosty » Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:38 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby stephh » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:44 pm

that's just bizarre - how on earth do you think of doing that :shock: :shock: :shock:
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Postby sol » Tue Jan 10, 2006 8:02 pm

Homer Simpson Your breath stinks, now go and brush your teeth
"A man of few words.........A man of many thoughts"
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Postby purpleandy » Tue Jan 10, 2006 10:49 pm

whats 2 foot high, silver and stands at the end of childrens beds ??



gary glitters boots .......
CAMWA founding member - the campaign for warm ale. Bloody kiwis stick everything in the fridge........cold ale is just plain wrong.....
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