The foul Joke thread: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

[dogtowatch]

To be sexy my wife shoved a lollipop up her fanny. I said "That's lovely dear, but don't you need that to get the children across the road?"

[Kamikaze]

[Kamikaze]

Lesbian seeks similar for relationship. Must like fish fingers and eating out.

[Kamikaze]

I got fired from my job.

My colleagues found out that I don't really have Tourette's.

[Kamikaze]

I nearly died in an accident at Cadbury World, I was trapped for ages because every time I shouted "the Milky Bars are on me!" everyone just cheered.

[Kamikaze]

When I was in France recently, the cheese factory I was visiting collapsed.

I was trapped in de Brie for hours.

[Kamikaze]

I just bought the brand new Indian version of Cluedo.

They all did it, in the bus, with a teenage girl.

[ATTMFKH]

^^ nasty

[Kamikaze]

Taken from the Dictionary of Modern Definitions.

"Fully Furnished".

Elton John's arsehole.

[Kamikaze]

Pakistani schoolgirl Malala Yousafzai, who survived being shot by the Taliban in October, has signed a book deal worth about 2 million pounds.

The working title is - 'I need Islam like a hole in the head.'

[Kamikaze]

A recent study has shown that 4 out of every 5 men admit to regularly watching pornography.

"this is a very worrying and very real reflection of modern times which poses many sociological questions" said the pshychologist who conducted the survey.

Too right......are 1 in 5 men lying fuckers? or does 20% of men still not have a decent internet connection?

[Kamikaze]

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear range.

In hindsight "Shatner Knickers" wasn't a good choice of name in the 1st place.

[Kamikaze]

Alan Carr is hosting a special for the Grand National tomorrow.

It is the first ever racing event in which the spectators are actively hoping that a toothy, whinnying creature will break its legs and be shot in a tent.

[dixie]

sent my xcel suit back, as they had sent the wrong size....i sent em this to make it clearer.....
i said i was a small medium

[Chris F]

My girlfriend said she thought the spark had gone from our lovelife. So last night I tasered her before having sex with her.

[majordom]

well at least now i know what 'two little boys' was really all about

[Kamikaze]

WARNING:- Really ing offensive joke below so don't read on if likely to be offended.


Probably the 2nd sickest joke I know.



Last warning! turn back now.









Well you asked for it:--

Anyone else think its ironic that "rolf" is the sound a child makes when you shove a cock down its throat?

[danny1]

pretty dark- but we make jokes to help us come to terms with bad shit...

[D-fin]

I recently called up FRANK so they could help me come to terms with my drug problem,


They said for cannabis issues, press hash.

[D-fin]

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?


Hit her.

[D-fin]

I went to see the new karate kid the other day, pretty good. Simple storyline though, you see it's all about how jaden smith's life got flipped turned upside down. You see he was chilling out maxing out relaxing all cool, just shooting some B-ball outside of the school, when a couple of guys (who were up to no good...) started making trouble in the neighbourhood. He got in one little fight and his mom got scared and said your going to learn kung fu from the maintenance man downstairs...

[Kamikaze]

An Indian man has been arrested for punching his wife in the face...

Chinda goodunpropa denies the charge.!

[Kamikaze]

What goes Unnnngghhhhh UH HO ahhhhhhhhhhh




Jimmy Tarbuck being sucked off by a young boy.

[Kamikaze]

I've just seen midge ure walking down the street. I shouted out "oi Vienna ! " he just shrugged and said that means nothing to him

[tehraab]

A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

[tehraab]

Boy walks in on his dad masturbating. Never having seen anyone do this, he says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
His dad replies, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon enough!"
"Really? Why's that, Daddy?"
"Well, my arm is getting tired..."

[Kamikaze]

When I found out you could donate sperm via post, I came in a jiffy.

[tehraab]

A blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learned how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5, 6,7,8,9,10! It's good, right?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mum.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mum says.

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, right?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mum.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mum says.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mum.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."

[Kamikaze]

I'm not sure how my wife and I will make ends meet after she lost her job as a bukkake pornstar and cancelled her insurance policy.

She's no longer getting fully covered income.

[Poo Stance]

http://youtu.be/L1JYHNX8pdo